Reboot

Posted: August 9, 2010 in Uncategorized

In a few weeks, classes start for me. August 30th.

In mid september, I’m going to try for another job. There is no growth, no real hope where I’m at now.

I sometimes ponder who has real control within the fate of life. Soothesayers, selves, god… knowledge is power after all.

I’m halfway done re-arranging my room. Hopefully I can enjoy it for a while longer, before I make the shift to move out again.

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1yr Wanderer

Posted: August 5, 2010 in Uncategorized

Some might wonder… “Two-year wanderer”, what’s that about? There is a meaning behind this. Two-Years is the estimated time anyone proceeds from one relationship stage once its over, a good number of individuals jump from relationship to relationship rather quickly, but I tend to let things simmer for a bit and figure things out. Hence, “Two-year wanderer”.

Its approximately 1 year now.

I don’t always like to mope on blogs, although I’ve done it quite a lot before, but I try to be mature about it. What I do however commit time to, is contemplating life through the scope of tragedy and seeing where humanity rises from such events. What I am attaching below are two pages from my personal journal. As with all individuals who struggle through their pains in life, it is a humbling experience to look back and understand one’s self— after all, this is one of the ways to get to know yourself, to see the imago dei, accept one’s anima/animus through introspection.

I call these two excerpts “Death Cycle”. HINT: The right page is given context by the left page.

Divination of Opportunity

Posted: August 2, 2010 in Uncategorized

So… I decided to continue a divination experiment.

A friend displaced their furniture in the office, due to their new furnishings in their home. Of all the furniture pieces scattered about the workplace, there was one particular area that had such a contrasting resonation. Our work lounge is the most serene, balanced room in the entire area and its often the best place to relax and some people even fall asleep in there. My friend’s carpet was placed in that room. And it felt really off. Some might attribute a personal attachment to items, but I felt nothing for the other items— as I figured the balance of the rest of the facility was so out-of-whack anyway, that it didn’t impede on any flow of energy.

Employing some tools to understand the imbalance present in the room, the entire message being presented to me came very clear. Surprisingly clear. I have gained insight not only to the nature of the imbalanced energy, but also reinforcement as to why spiritualists/psychics use the elements actively used by a particular individual in order to divine them. Also, it gave me wonder if this is particularly why items of personal value are burned in order to discard their energies— this is particularly an Indian belief, especially with clothing.

After the divination, before I could properly decipher the message, I had this close-gagging feeling. Similar, but not as potent to when I accidentally inhaled a cigar smoke as I was trying to light one. I thought I was dehydrated, but after some water, the feeling came back. I considered it an oral fixation, but lollipops didn’t work. I tested one more possibility and just sucked on a new cigarette (i don’t smoke, btw… socially sometimes)— and the feeling went away.

Odd. But insightful. =)

Template

Posted: August 1, 2010 in Uncategorized

Earlier today— err, yesterday… I experienced an odd moment within my thoughts. Picture this warm certainty of a person’s overall pattern. A pattern of what they could and hopefully would become, if certain circumstances were met. Like a living experiment, after poring over various journals, hoping that it would execute in the same pattern as others have committed. This sort of knowing in a person, that has no doubt, but an undying certainty— unlike the idealist desires of parents upon their children, more like an unfulfilled prophecy.

I came to this epiphany with startled wonder. I felt ill-at-ease, actually. Why? When this person becomes that prophetic ideal, with or without any influence on the observer’s part, does their value change or not at all? When the individual hits all that conceptual criteria and goes above that… is it the person that’s valued? The ideal? Or the action to it?

This bothersome question forced me to realize, that despite recognition of change and patterns, putting anyone on pedestals can easily destroy static images should the image change due to time and existence. Not always, but it can. Shades of memories, acknowledging that person’s untapped potential is one thing— accepting the fulfillment and furthering of that potential, should yield a positive response. But the criteria will never fulfill itself in the way I imagined, as the universe has other means of executing its grand design— I’ve only been given the gift of anticipating it. And anticipating it is not always beneficial— at times, ignorance is bliss.

Divine Consistency

Posted: July 31, 2010 in Uncategorized

So I’ve done tarot, yin-yang sticks,  psychic readers, astrology, and surprisingly even fortune-cookies. All clearly and consistently direct me to this idea:

Keep going with what you’re doing, don’t worry about it, and things will rectify themselves in time.

This could also be seen as the divine version of, “Shutup and keep going!”

Family

Posted: July 30, 2010 in Uncategorized

“You’re not family anymore.”

This is an odd line, but reality has donated it to our perception. The things that bond those together, family ties, are social contracts that are idealized, however birthed by physical blood association. I thought of saving this article for the website, but I’m compelled to write it here.
Family attaches to it, a bit of honor, a bit of burden, a bit of comfort, a bit of suffocation. To those fortunate enough to have a full family, it goes one of either two common ways— functional and dysfunctional. People that recognize the warmth and structure within family, others who either neglect or abuse it. But once you’re family… one would assume this association would not be abandoned.

Not so.

Family throughout history has been broken of its warmy-fuziness for political, sexual, and hell— let’s throw in ‘food’. So we idealize the strength and bond of family, but it is broken on a whim. Sad, but tru— no, its just fucked-up. Stupid reality! =P

But I’m a reasonably idealistic man… ;D .

I bring this up, because a quote crossed my mind, “You’re not family anymore.” This line was shared with me post-relations because for a long while, I was a part of a family just by mere association with a girl. No, not marriage, nothing permanent, just living-in. But it wasn’t the event that anchored, but the phrase itself. I did not consider myself a part of that family, but apparently they did.

The division is brought further forward due to the installation of the Barracuda Web-Filter, designed to limit and other times prevent open internet access on any connected computers. Everyone was capped off, including myself. My boss and the other family— were not. As a means to create better data-security for the company, I can understand. As a means to make work efficient— understandable, but I do not agree— at least for myself. I’m actually more agitated now, my hands are tied and by some fortune and fate I am able to post here.

Its not so much that I am no longer given special privileges, but I wasn’t paid decently in the first place— so they take away the very thing that kept my mind awake through this phase. Now I can recognize how bored I am, that I’d bring DVDs to play in a small window at the top of my screen, or my DS, just as a distraction to keep my mind sharp.

Btw, I got new furniture! =D New computer table, side tables, coffee tables. Ikea stuff.

Conditions

Posted: July 28, 2010 in Uncategorized

There are certain points within a criteria that need to be met, in order to facilitate any action. Some emotional, some mental, some kinetic, some without any, certain things a reaction, and others a combination of the like. So, the point of this post?

Not sure.

I’m within some measure, a daze. Playing Starcraft 2 for 5 hours straight, I slept for 7 hours and still felt tired— but satisfied. My life has begun a course of normality.  For the time being, my internet access at work has been opened once again, having been closed in the last few weeks due to the company’s web filter. But this free-access is temporary, so I make this post here– like a dying man with a parched throat.

Perhaps my daze is also a residual effect from my memorable trip to Las Vegas over the weekend, it was a smooth experience.  For  certain that conversing with the various friends I’m associated with, are a definite boost to an otherwise mundane day— particularly conversing with the ladies amongst my friends. ;D

I usually have something to write about at-length, but right now… I don’t have anything and I’m pausing every few words just trying to get my thoughts out. I might post later.