West likes guns. I like swords and fists.

This is a placeholder until I can type more on it later.

So although I want to talk about my second viewing of the Christopher Nolan movie, Inception, I will submit to my analysis to my personal ‘deflection’.

Fear is the predominant theme behind my deflection. Fear of vulnerability, fear of trust, fear of emotions, fear of recognizing my personal existence. Fear of guilt. When a particular conversation that meant a lot to me was being held, I only met part-way in the communication before it was deflected off back to my friend. It was too late to rectify the situation and I loath my actions as it did only one thing— isolation. Deflection isolated me from what I wanted to say and isolated them— abandoning them when they reached out in humility.

There is no strength in deflection. There is no justice, nor righteousness in changing a subject when the key figure in the discourse is an open book. To abandon the source is an injustice and thus I have committed a sin. Sin, not in the religious context– but the greek context of an inaccuracy, for an archer to miss their mark and strike untrue. And so this entry is an apology.

I recognize now what I’ve been doing and I apologize. The topic was sudden to me and although I said I was ready, I fell short.  I am not ready to see the end of that conversation, for I do not know where it would lead. But know that if you would need anything, I will reply.

I believe Gestalt Psychology is the best, visual example, of what I’m about to explain. This “using your mind to fill in the blank” is done in circles of friends. Peer-pressure? Quite frankly so. Nietzsche popularly warns, that when one looks into the abyss— it likewise looks into you. All these various elements orchestrate a fine example of social corruption, likewise social purification.

Take for example, an individual who for the longest of time, had no friends to call their own. Gains a group of friends with differing interests, but have taken a liking to the individual. Take that this individual wants dearly for these new friends to like them, whether honestly believing that or falling into the delusion of “experimentation”… a ‘need’ is the first step to advertisement corruption.

Break it down, Vince!

You’re gonna love his nuts.

When the ‘need’ is developed, it interfaces like a nicotine addiction. It spans across the mind where there was no need for this before. Each facet of reasoning transforms, it accommodates, it becomes a part of the being.  But corruption is not based on ‘need’ alone, the conscious individual must take their own reasoning and find the holes that they feel exist within it— as though submitting themselves to reification in order to interface with the group.

It impressed upon me, that in Gestalt psychology, its very visual oriented. But taking the thematic principles and applying it to psychosocial patterns opens up a fascinating can of worms.  Fortunately, the principles of Gestalt psychology are initially taught visually, but its application do reach other parts. One particular point of interest is the Three-Process View.

Selective-Encoding Insight

Selective-Combination Insight

Selective-Comparison Insight

Anyways, aside from all that mumbo-jumbo of depth that I ponder about… the bottom-line, is that an individual that is a blank slate is much easier to corrupt than a slate that is written upon. This is why we are often characterized by the friends we make. And I’ve met people who lie to themselves about who they truly are, because of the friends they feel they need to keep– or the people that they feel they cannot give up. I try not to associate with these individuals, only because even after sharings words with them— they have to suffer through their pains on their own pace or they will never know the worth of their personal integrity.

“Wisdom is knowing what to do next; virtue is doing it.”  -David Star Jordan, The Philosophy of Despair

When it comes to music I can’t fully enjoy, I begin to ponder why it is enjoyed by those that do. So I begin to psychanalyze the appreciation in these tracks’ rhythm and rhyme. Slipknot is one group I could never fully immerse myself into, but I understand the vibes— and I can understand the patterns in the minds of the crowds. But I can’t copy this pattern into myself. However, I find these diverse pleasures fascinating… not for myself, but how others indulge in them.

And so, I wander some more.

Kenneth: “I wonder what that would be like in a Dolorian.”

Kenny: “Don’t worry, we’ve got Mr. Fission to take care of it.”

JB: “No, Mr. Fission is only used to power the Flux Capacitor.”

In mid september, I’m going to try for another job. There is no growth, no real hope where I’m at now.

I sometimes ponder who has real control within the fate of life. Soothesayers, selves, god… knowledge is power after all.

I’m halfway done re-arranging my room. Hopefully I can enjoy it for a while longer, before I make the shift to move out again.

Its approximately 1 year now.

I don’t always like to mope on blogs, although I’ve done it quite a lot before, but I try to be mature about it. What I do however commit time to, is contemplating life through the scope of tragedy and seeing where humanity rises from such events. What I am attaching below are two pages from my personal journal. As with all individuals who struggle through their pains in life, it is a humbling experience to look back and understand one’s self— after all, this is one of the ways to get to know yourself, to see the imago dei, accept one’s anima/animus through introspection.

I call these two excerpts “Death Cycle”. HINT: The right page is given context by the left page.

So… I decided to continue a divination experiment.

A friend displaced their furniture in the office, due to their new furnishings in their home. Of all the furniture pieces scattered about the workplace, there was one particular area that had such a contrasting resonation. Our work lounge is the most serene, balanced room in the entire area and its often the best place to relax and some people even fall asleep in there. My friend’s carpet was placed in that room. And it felt really off. Some might attribute a personal attachment to items, but I felt nothing for the other items— as I figured the balance of the rest of the facility was so out-of-whack anyway, that it didn’t impede on any flow of energy.

Employing some tools to understand the imbalance present in the room, the entire message being presented to me came very clear. Surprisingly clear. I have gained insight not only to the nature of the imbalanced energy, but also reinforcement as to why spiritualists/psychics use the elements actively used by a particular individual in order to divine them. Also, it gave me wonder if this is particularly why items of personal value are burned in order to discard their energies— this is particularly an Indian belief, especially with clothing.

After the divination, before I could properly decipher the message, I had this close-gagging feeling. Similar, but not as potent to when I accidentally inhaled a cigar smoke as I was trying to light one. I thought I was dehydrated, but after some water, the feeling came back. I considered it an oral fixation, but lollipops didn’t work. I tested one more possibility and just sucked on a new cigarette (i don’t smoke, btw… socially sometimes)— and the feeling went away.

Odd. But insightful. =)